Life Works in Mysterious Ways: How losing my last sibling gave me more than just a new perspective

I once wrote an essay for AOL about getting through Mother’s Day when Mom is no longer here (the essay is no longer here as well—so much for everything living forever online). Now I’m faced with Mother’s Day without my brother, Art. Every day without him has been hard, but we always shared memories of “Mama Jo” on Mother’s Day. He was the only one who truly understood what it was like to be her child.

He was always there for me, especially when we were kids, and again through the crisis of our aging mother’s decline. That what-do-we-do talks began long ago when her hoarding became obvious. Operation Mama Jo would bond us like super glue. Now, poof, he’s gone.

Several others in my memoir about that time have vanished as well: my other sibling George, my mom’s former next-door neighbor “Mike”, Aunt Charlotte. Even Lupe the cat. You’d think it would get easier as you go through life and the losses pile up. It doesn’t.

But it isn’t all bleak.

With each passing, an enormous burden was lifted and replaced by a sense of peace if they suffered long at the end, as Art did from prostate cancer that spread to his bones. Losing him in particular illuminated in flashing neon lights how short life is and to make the most of my own.

I asked myself, if I could do anything, what would it be? The answer was the same as it had been for a long time: become a philanthropist. Unfortunately, I hadn’t hit the Mega Millions Lottery or married Elon Musk.

I was already working part-time for OneCause, the company that makes the mobile bidding app BidPal. If you’ve been to a fundraiser and did your bidding on your phone, you probably used BidPal. I provide onsite support. My first event raised over one million dollars for ALS! I was hooked. I was also mesmerized by the live auctioneer, Benjamin Farrell. (Scroll down in that link to see him action.)

That night, I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept seeing myself doing what he did. I convinced myself not to take it seriously. This was just a seasonal job I did for fun. Becoming an auctioneer would take the same focus and determination as becoming an author, which took 15 years. I’d have to build this new business one charity at a time.

I didn’t have it in me.

I was having trouble sleeping in general. I felt wired yet had no energy to work out. It was hard to focus on anything for long. I went to the doctor. Everything checked out fine. My labs were “textbook perfect.” Blood pressure normal, as always. Was I depressed or have ADHD?

By pure accident I learned I had a rare, often hard to detect, medical condition called a pheochromocytoma. My adrenal gland was spitting out ten times too much adrenalin, perhaps for many, many years. I had every reason to feel exhausted. Being at high risk for a stroke or heart attack, I was lucky to be alive. Once the adrenal gland was removed (you don’t need both of them), I was a new person. More on that another time.

I’m off to auctioneer school soon! Though I’ll learn how to auction everything from cars to cows, charity events will be my specialty once I’m licensed. It’s kind of like being a philanthropist, yes? The money flows through me and back out.

It’s not a free service, though, and for a good reason. A trained auctioneer will typically raise far more than an untrained one. We travel, too, so keep me and my guru Ben’s company Custom Benefit Auctions in mind for your next fundraiser.

I’m still writing (that’s embedded in my DNA) and hope to have news in that department soon. Oh, if you’re an Amazon Prime member, the Kindle version of WIMMM is FREE and part of a short curated list. For how long, I don’t know. It’s up to Amazon. If you’re not a Prime member, it’s deeply discounted (for now) at $4.99. It can be read on any digital device with a free app from Amazon. Now there’s also an Audible audiobook that I read. I swear I channeled Mama Jo. Really, I nailed her voice and delivery. It was eerie.

A big, big thank you for all the wonderful reviews. 1,155 at last check; 4.5 stars. Its positive affect on others has been the best part of this journey. It’s often ranked #1 in Eldercare. Considering how many millions of books there are on Amazon and how long it’s been released, that’s astounding.

Eternally grateful for everything and everyone (especially you),

Jo